Ticking
by Shellfish1001
Summary: Another SeiferxZell. Zell gets worried about dying alone after he goes with the girls to a new class set up for women only. Supposed to be funny. R&R please


TICKING

"You look cheerful." Seifer said to his friend who had been staring sadly at the wall and was now glaring at him.

"That's funny, so funny I forgot to laugh." Zell hissed.

"Someone have a bad night?"

"No of course not, what could possibly be wrong? Irvine only forced me to go out with him last night to a bar."

"Forced you?"

"I might have mentioned some things like, fear of dying alone, or of becoming one of "those people" who have cats as their only companions and that all the village children are afraid of."

He friend chuckled. "Aw Chickie, you feeling lonely?"

His response was mean look. "Why are you cheery today? Did I miss something?"

"Would you rather I was miserable?"

"Yes that would be much better"

Seifer frowned.

"I mean I don't want to be the only one feeling like this, and what have you got to be happy about?"

Seifer seemed to think about it. "Well…. I'm not dead yet….and…. It's a nice day?"

Zell gave him a look.

"….And I get to be with you Chickie!" He ruffled his hair, causing Zell to try and lean out of reach.

"Hey, what have I said about touching the hair?"

Seifer held his hands up in surrender, with a smirk.

"As I was saying…" Zell continued. "You're single, you have the same amount or maybe less friends than me, I mean I didn't try to destroy the world so I must be beating you in the popularity contest."

Seifer frowned. "Hey! Suddenly I'm not so cheerful." He slouched at the table. "So why the sudden need to pair up and breed."

"I went to life classes."

"What classes?"

"Life classes, you know Selphie and Quistis go to them."

"You mean the girly classes that garden set up for women?"

"Yeah."

"You went to a girls class?" He smirked. "Is there something you're not telling me? I mean you are still a guy under those right?" He tucked on Zell's shirt.

"Wha-! What the hell are you doing to me?!" He tugged away from the prying hands, batting Seifer away.

"Anyway it's all about your biological clock ticking, time ebbing away, so much to do in so little time 'cause you never know especially in our line of work when it'll strike."

Seifer looked confused. "When what will strike?"

"Death!"

His friend started to chuckle lightly.

"It's not funny! Now I have to find someone who wants me before I die! Someone who wants me over Squall or Irvine."

"Zell."

"What?"

"Firstly, you don't have a biological clock."

"Well-"

"And secondly if you meet a nice guy and settle down it's unlikely you'll have a bunch of kids and pickle fence, so it's not like you have so much to do."

"I could adopt! And I could build my own god damn fence."

Seifer shrugged. "Fine, whatever. What happened with Irvine last night then?"

"Nothing! That's the problem."

The cowboy had taken him to Balamb with the intention of cheering him up and showing him that people really did want him. They went to two bars and in the whole night Irvine got a few phone numbers and all Zell got was a slap in the face from a girl for being a pervert.

Seifer laughed.

"Will you stop laughing at me? You're as bad as me you know?"

"So when did you two kids get home?"

"Well I got in at two am, Irvine didn't get in at all. He said some guy was looking as me all night and when I went over there all he wanted was to know about Irvine."

"That's tough."

"Yeah so they left together and that's the last I saw of him."

"Surprised he left you there alone though."

"Hey!" He tapped himself on the chest. "I'm a big boy I can look after myself."

"Maybe you should advertise that more, it might get you some offers."

Zell looked confused. "Advertise what?"

His friend smirked. "That you're a big boy."

"Huh?" He frowned. "Oh! Oh, I didn't mean it like that!" He punched his friend playfully. "Although…. Not that I'm… not."

Seifer chuckled.

They had gone out together as a threesome a few times, Seifer secretly didn't mind when Irvine would disappear off with someone in fact he was usually waiting for it, that would leave him and Zell alone together. The little blonde usually didn't get any offers, mostly because Seifer would warn them off glare at them, or sling an arm around Zell to mark his territory. Zell didn't even notice.

"Anyway I think I should be on the look out now for someone who's not interesting in Irvine… or Squall 'cause loads of guys like him too don't they?"

"For the record I don't."

"But you're you so you don't count."

Seifer frowned. "Thanks."

"You know what I mean, I'm looking for guys that aren't interested in Squall or Irvine and have boyfriend potential for me."

"Explain potential to me then."

The little paused in thought, returning the wave of a girl from across the room, his blonde friend turned to see who he waved at and narrowed his eyes at the pigtailed library girl. The girl in question glared at him too, not liking how the guy she had been keen on now hung around with the guy she held responsible for blowing up her former garden.

"Someone…." Zell started to say, Seifer swivelled back in his chair to look at him again.

"….who doesn't try to out walk me in the corridors."

Seifer chuckled. "Is that it? You want someone with legs as short as you then?"

"No! I mean on purpose like when I want to talk to Squall and he pretends he has to be somewhere else suddenly."

Seifer smiled. "He does that to everyone."

"And Quistis pretends she can't hear me because I'm too far away and then when I try to get closer she runs off!"

Seifer laughed.

"Shut up!" He punched his arm.

"Someone who'll listen to me."

"I'm listening."

Zell glared at him.

Seifer held up his hands in surrender. "Right I remember I don't count, sorry." He gave his friend a look. "If no one else will have you, I will."

"Oh great a pity boyfriend." He sighed, slouching at the table, glancing up at Seifer. "Don't you have any other friends to annoy?"

"No, I don't have any!"

Zell scoffed. "You do!"

"Well Irvine's not here and that leaves…. Well… you."

Zell put a hand to his chest. "I'm touched."

Raijin and Fujin never came back to garden when Seifer did, they got engaged and moved to FH.

Seifer sighed. "Chickie you've made me depressed."

"Good I don't want to be the only one feeling this way."

Someone walked into the cafeteria whistling. Seifer glanced up to glare as the cowboy approached.

"Oh look captain horny's arrived."

The smug looking cowboy stopped at their table for his first gloat of the morning, he smirked at their miserable faces. "God who died?"

They both glared at him. "Do you mind? We're busy being unhappy, go away." Seifer informed him.

"Well." Irvine pulled up a chair. "I'll cheer you up then."

They groaned.

"I had a great night with Ronald."

"Ronald?!"

"Yes! I'll have you know that Ronald was a perfect gent."

Zell scoffed.

"We had a nice romantic walk….. To his apartment."

"And-"

"And you know I've had a lot of sex partners."

"That's an understatement."

"But all of them pale in comparison to Ronald."

"Good huh?"

Irvine nodded enthusiastically. "In fact I'm seeing him again tonight and-" He fished around in his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper. "I have a phone number."

"You're seeing him again?"

Irvine nodded.

Zell frowned. "Great, well that's just great. You get a boyfriend, a first for you and all I get from our evening out is a slap from a girl who thought I was looking down her top!"

Seifer snorted. "And did you?"

"I didn't have to, you should have seen what she was wearing! She was practically falling out of her top anyway."

"But you did look?"

"Not intentionally, there was nowhere else to look."

Seifer chuckled. "You're hopeless."

"So are you!"

Seifer turned on him. "Excuse me? I get offers!"

"Yeah but you turn them all down, you know what your problem is?"

"Enlighten me."

"You're too damn picky."

Seifer scoffed. "I am not! I just… have a… select type."

"What is this type of yours then?" Irvine asked.

Zell was looking over to his left, away from Seifer so he didn't notice his blonde friend looking at him.

"I like them blonde, someone I can talk to, some I like to be around, …. Short…." He chuckled. "And of course cute."

Irvine saw him looking at Zell and shook his head with a knowing smile.

Zell sighed, moving to rest his head in a nest of his arms on the table. "Well there you go, I don't know any of those."

Irvine laughed. "You two are funny."

Zell frowned. "I'm glad our lives are of such amusement to you, where can I get a boyfriend from?"

"You could date Seifer."

"What?"

"Think about it, you're both into the same things, you hang out together anyway…."

"That's because he doesn't have any other friends."

"Hey!"

Zell held up his hands in surrender. "Your words, not mine!"

"I already offered." Seifer explained. "Apparently I don't count."

"What? Why?" He frowned at Zell.

The taller blonde shrugged. "I'm not good enough."

"I didn't say that!" Zell defended himself.

"Besides now that I know you go to life classes and have a biological clock maybe I don't want you anymore."

Irvine scoffed. "You went to a life class?"

"One time!"

"A women only class?"

"Quistis took me, she said it would be good for me."

Irvine chuckled.

"Stop laughing! Why does everyone laugh at me for-?" He turned on Seifer. "What do you mean you wouldn't want me anymore? Do you want me currently?"

"Well… yeah…. I offered remember?"

Irvine pushed up from the table. "Okay that's my cue to leave."

Zell looked confused again.

"Good luck man." He told Seifer.

"What are you wishing him luck for? What's going on?"

"You must be doing someone wrong." Seifer said.

Zell turned back to him. "Huh?"

"Because I find it hard to believe that no one wants you."

"What's hard to believe about that?" He paused. "Did you just compliment me?"

"Hmm, yeah I think I did." He smirked. "I mean okay so maybe you're annoying sometimes… and clumsy and you say some of the stupidest things sometimes and-"

"Hey! Was this supposed to be a confidence boosting speech?"

"But it's really funny sometimes to see you get things wrong."

Zell frowned. "Not for me it isn't!"

Seifer laughed. "And you're really cute sometimes."

"Cute?"

"Yeah cute and amusing and I like being around you, so please stop this nobody wants me crap!"

Zell seemed to be having a hard time taking this all in. "But-"

"You said no, I know." He shrugged. "It's fine."

Zell frowned. "So you mean cute in a puppy way right?"

His friend frowned. "No in a…… I like staring at your ass sort of way."

Zell blinked and blushed slightly.

"I just wish you'd stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"So…." Zell looked at him. "You….. like me?" He asked in shock.

Seifer sighed impatiently. "Do we have to go over this again? I offered remember? Yes I like you, sadly I spend ages staring at you in the shower-" He laughed. "Or watching you "try" to dance."

"Hey! I'll have you know I dance very well!" He paused. "So does this mean you like me?"

His friend rolled his eyes in frustration. "You're useless! Look idiot-" He grabbed Zell by the shoulders and kissed his stunned friend.

That one small kiss was enough for the rest of cafeteria to stare at them, some giggling, wolf whistling, cheering or laughing at Zell's red face.

They both looked up sheepishly at all the attention they were suddenly getting.

"You're cute when you blush."

Zell put his hands on his hips. "You're saying I'm not cute all the time?" He teased.

His friend laughed. "Cuter then."

Everyone sat back down, the attention going away from the two blondes.

"So did you want to still go to Deling this weekend?"

Zell frowned. "To clubs? But I thought you wanted to be with me?"

"I do, what's that got to do with clubbing?"

"Well I don't need to go and…. Find a mate-"

Seifer chuckled at the term.

"-Or whatever you call it if I have you do I?"

"Well how about we go together as a couple? We can dance or I can dance and you can do that great Chicken impression that you do."

"WHAT?! I thought you liked my dancing!?"

"No I liked it when you accidentally rubbed your ass against my crotch all the time."

Zell blushed. "That is my dancing! You just got in my way that's all." He huffed, folding his arms and sulking.

"Anything else you'd like to tell me now that you're being so honest and all?"

"Umm." He paused in thought. "Let's see. Oh! I've kissed you once before!"

Zell frowned. "When? I don't remember."

"You remember that time we went out and you got really drunk?"

"Oh, the time I woke up on your bedroom floor?"

"Yeah that time, I kissed you that night but you were so drunk you just passed out."

"Oh." Zell said simply. "Okay… can't have been much of a kiss or I would have remembered."

It was Seifer's turn to pout. "Hey! I happen to be a very good kisser! You should know."

"How? Maybe I don't have enough to go on yet." He hinted.

"Right well-"

He stopped looking up to see everyone looking down at them again with interest, mostly girls but some guys too.

"But not here." Seifer grabbed Zell and stood up. "Let's go."

"And then I'm going to teach you how to dance."

"I CAN dance!"

"Yeah right."

"I can!"

End

_I had like this thing in my head of Seifer telling Zell but then it sounded a bit mushy and I don't think Seifer would really do that so I tried to have him do it in a manly way. Unless it's a 'Seifer's different after the war' type fic._


End file.
